All Good Things Must Come to an End

All Good Things Must Come to an End

So I’m sure you’re wondering how the heck this story got switched around. My boss? Really?

What about Sam?! My dream guy?!?

It’s funny because I remember my best friend telling me a couple of years ago that despite what I may’ve believed I wanted in a boyfriend, she thought that a hippie guy wouldn’t actually be right for me. Anddd.. she was right.

Sam and I had some great adventures. We connected so quickly and I admired so many things about him as a person. Not only that, I loved him for what he did for me – he freed me from my stifling life and brought happiness into my world again. He inspired me. Being with him made me love myself in more ways than I had before. In fact, he treated me better than any boyfriend I’ve ever had.

Me ‘learning’ to play his accordion

But sometimes, all of that doesn’t matter. Sometimes, even if it’s hard to swallow, you begin to realize that sadly you just aren’t right for someone. At least not in a romantic sense.

And as tacky as the cliche may sound – the truth in it rings so clear; It’s not you, it’s me.

That’s something I’ve really started believing in – that breakups, as bad as they are – are often the only truly fair decision. And they shouldn’t have such a negative stigma around them. I’d argue that a-lot of us are unhealthily attached to certain ideals in modern relationships. It’s all about possession and our own wounded egos when things get sticky. And that’s proven with how we react to breakups. It seems like they’re always so filled with stories of betrayals and evil people, right? We are so stuck to the idea that “this person fucked me over!!!” “How could they do this to me?!” that we don’t stop to consider the fact that maybe we both already knew we aren’t right for each other. That this is the best decision for the well being of both partners. And maybe, we were holding onto something that just wasn’t there, as badly as we wanted it to be. Love and compatibility are not always the same thing.

Have you ever thought about the idea that if you’re in a relationship with someone who you know is not right for you, you might miss out on the one who is? And so will your current partner? Why keep them from true happiness & love when you know you just aren’t cutting it for them? In a perfect world, all breakups would be simple and rational. We would accept that paths diverge from each other and that’s part of life. But heartbreak isn’t easy. It’s not simple or rational. We all know that.

something I wrote in my journal during this experience

So after a whirlwind month and a half, Sam and I parted ways. It wasn’t that straightforward, but that’s what happened. He was on to bigger & better things, and I was on to…. different.

One thing he said stuck with me – that I had changed, like a chameleon. I was ‘changing’ to fit my new environment. But what he and most people don’t understand, is that just because someone isn’t who you thought they were, doesn’t mean they aren’t being themselves.

Things had switched up real quick for me. I left Arizona in August as a broke bitch, expecting to work on a hippie farm in Humboldt for a couple of weeks, singing kumbaya with my brothers and sisters of the earth, and maybe ending up saving a couple grand. And I was totally ready for that. Instead, I had ended up in the Pines with some random guys from Texas, driving a big ass truck, getting paid fat $$, and living a life that didn’t exactly fit my M.O. of free spirit little bird

But honestly,

I have to admit… damn it felt good to be a gangster. And this was only the beginning.

our power in life


Manifestation is REAL

sometimes we forget this

our thoughts and focuses are everything

so what is it that you want to manifest into your life today? this week? this month?

today and everyday I want to live in the moment.

I want to manifest my truest, happiest, most outgoing self.

I want to manifest adventures and moments where it all makes sense.

sometimes it’s hard to keep your feet on the ground when there’s so much to think about so much to consider and question in life. “What do I do, where do I go”

remember that you have real POWER in this

you can make things happen

the only thing is that first you have to know what it is that you truly want.

“ me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”


The Divine Separation

The Divine Separation

I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet

The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath

This quote makes me feel so understood and also scares me beyond belief because in it, I find my biggest fear put into words.

That I will be so confused about what I want, that I end up destroying all possibilities of true happiness. That I will do many things half-heartedly and never really know the pleasure of being completely immersed and in absolute Love with my choices and my life.

Manifestation is the most powerful tool for us, but to truly utilize this, you must first know what it is that you really want. And that can be the hardest part.

Everyone is born as a single individual, but by the time we are mature enough to participate in life we have already become a crowd. This feeling is nothing special, in fact it’s something that happens within almost everybody. The difference is that you are becoming aware of it, which is good.

If you sit silently and listen to your mind, you will find so many voices. You’ll be able to recognize them very well. One is your grandfather, your grandmother, another is from your father, another from your mother. Some voice is from the priest, some voice is from the teacher, your friends, your enemies. All of these voices are jumbled up in a crowd within you, and if you want to find your own voice, it is almost impossible – the crowd is too thick.

You were probably taught to say yes to everything that your elders were saying to you. You were taught to follow what your teachers and parents are doing. Your own voice has remained very subdued and so the other voices are very loud, commanding, because they were orders and you followed them – in spite of yourself. You had no intention to follow, you could see “This is not right.” But one has to be obedient to be respected, to be acceptable, to be loved.

The truth is that the more you love your own decisions, the less you need others to love them. 

Only one voice is absent, only one person is hidden in this conflict, and that is you. So show up. Otherwise there is a whole crowd, constantly driving you mad, because one voice says, “Do this,” another says, “Never do that! Don’t listen to that voice!” and you are torn apart.

If you want to become an individual in your own right, if you want to get rid of this continuous conflict and mess within you, then you have to say good-bye to these voices- even when they belong to your respected mother, father, grandfather. It does not matter whose they are, but one thing is for sure: they are not yours.

Some of us endlessly stress about what we should do and where we should go. What’s the right decision? Why am I so conflicted, why can’t this just be simple? But what we don’t see is that the conflict is the entire point.

Goddess, be grateful for the divine separation that the universe is calling within you, for it is bringing you to your higher self. 

You are awake and you are living. You are not simply vegetating and believing. You are questioning and doubting.

Respect yourself enough to follow your truth. Allow your nature to take its course. Don’t force, don’t repress. Doubt the rules – because doubt is not a sin, it is a sign of your intelligence. Doubt and go on inquiring until you find. Find your true self inside the crowd.


Each person is born with a unique individuality, and each person has a destiny of his or her own. Imitation is crime, it is criminal. If you try to become a Buddha, you may look like Buddha, you may walk like him, but you will miss. You will miss all that life was ready to deliver to you. Buddha happens only once. It is not in the nature of things to repeat. Existence is so creative that it never repeats anything. You cannot find another being in the present, in the past, or in the future who is going to resemble you exactly. It has never happened. The human being is not a mechanism like Ford cars on an assembly line. You are a soul, individual. Imitation is poisonous. So following in anyones footsteps that are not your own is almost murder. Do not rob the world of yourself, of what you could be at your full potential.

‘When you are a revolution unto yourself it is a joy to see, because you have fulfilled your destiny. You have transcended the ordinary mob, the sleeping crowd.’ You have silenced the crowd in your mind, and narrowed the noise down to a single clear voice – your own.

One thing I can say: whosoever inquires, finds. It is absolutely certain; it has never been otherwise. Nobody has come empty-handed from an authentic inquiry. Silence the crowd and you will truly know what you want. You will know which fig on the tree is the next step in your path.

This divine separation is your chance to decide whether to remain awake in your growth or to be a voice slowly lost in the noise of the crowd.

Please, just be you. We need you. Not you with a mask.



Next step coming soon : Manifestation is REAL

Art by Archan Nair

Quotes & heavy inspiration from The Book of Understanding by Osho

Thoughts cultivated by countless conversations with friends and family all over the world

Road Dogs 

Think of everyone as a guru. Be patient. Shut up and listen and learn. Kill your ego for the sake of knowledge. For enlightenment. We can learn so much from a single person. Realize that every random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as yours.

I have no fear and I haven’t decided if that’s a good or a bad thing. It makes no sense to me that people really let their fear stop them from doing things. From living in the realest way possible. If I have an idea, it’s happening. Doubts never stop me. Am I naive or brave? That’s my eternal question.

Why live a life that’s anything less than everything you’ve ever dreamed


It’s your existence, your soul, you should follow its every whim and desire. Let it flow and create. That is how destiny works. Follow your path and you will be led to your perfect life.

Continue reading “Road Dogs “

Self Luv

Self Luv


I made and tied this anklet onto me the night before I left for India. Almost 10 months later and it’s still goin strong.

It’s full of the water from 3 different oceans, Indian dirt, Hawaiian sand, probably some things I’d rather not know about, and a whole lotta love. It’s climbed mountains with me, been covered in mud with me, been to the bottom of the sea with me, been drenched in yoga sweat with me.

I was thinking it was so cool that something has stuck by my side for so long and been on so many different adventures. And then I realized that the same could be said for my body. What an amazing thing to inhabit bodies like we do.

So far my body has accompanied me to 6 countries, countless states and cities, and through every hardship I’ve ever faced. Such a lesson in self love. I’ve never loved myself the way that I’m learning to now. Your body is incredible. Just think of all that it’s done for you. All that it will do for you and the places it’s going to take you. Practice some self love.


Goodbye India

Goodbye India

A year ago I was getting ready to graduate and had just started planning for India. I was ready to get the hell out of what I thought was a town much too small for me. I wasn’t afraid of India at all. I was ready.

But things went a little bit unplanned. India was hard for me. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t expect to be this kind of hard.

It wasn’t just homesickness. It was restlessness. And it wasn’t simple restlessness either. Yes, it was hard for me to in one place for so long when I wanted to be exploring more, but this time, I was in one place where everyday I was consistently facing a world that I’ve always underestimated. I knew India was a ‘third world country’.I’ve read about it and talked about it and criticized it but until I landed in India, I didn’t really know it.

I didn’t know what it felt like to be a rich white woman in a poverty stricken country. It’s uncomfortable to recognize all of the privilege you have. It’s uncomfortable to have your ‘I’m going to save the world’ mentality challenged. It’s uncomfortable to feel like a silly little white girl who is in way over her head.

It’s uncomfortable to sit in a rickshaw everyday with your headphones in, staring straight ahead, ignoring the little girl asking for money and food because you were told not to acknowledge “them”.

I did it all wrong in India.

I saw a handicapped and ill man begging on the sidewalk across from a McDonalds and then later that night I went drinking with my friends. I saw a shirtless and fatally skinny man scuffling from person to person begging, and continued on my way to Forever21.

I had imagined myself living with a big family in a low income neighborhood, but instead I lived in a spacious flat in the nice part of the city with marble floors, my own bathroom and three home cooked meals a day.

I was so conflicted and angry with myself and my situation, but I continued my patterns.

I didn’t feel like myself. I felt fake in so many ways. My stress radiated and I had trouble making connections with people because well I just wasn’t.. nice.

My hair started falling out. In clumps.

I’d shower and finish with a sizable chunk of hair in my hands. I didn’t know what it was from. Stress? My diet?

“But why are you so stressed?”

I’ve realized it wasn’t all personal stress. It wasn’t me worrying about college or my weight or my job. It was global stress, collective stress, it was me being distressed over the state of the world in general. It was me feeling guilty and overwhelmed and disappointed in myself.

I grew so much in the 6 months India and I lived together. I faced myself in ways that I never imagined. I questioned so much and I wrote so much and I dreamed so much and I cried so much and I smiled so much and I lived so much.

India was hard for me. I loved India in all of it’s wonder but the depth that I truly got to know India was just… something that I’ve never experienced before.

Many loves come in and out of our lives, but most never really know us. We may put on a mask with them or we may not even miss them when they leave because they never truly held a part of our soul. But India was a love that came crashing into my life with such force and passion that all of my masks were crushed by truth.

How do you ever say goodbye to a love like that? In your arms my soul found chaos, passion, inspiration, pain, and even some some sort of peace. Just know that I will never forget you, India, my love.

See you soon, little bird