So I’m sure you’re wondering how the heck this story got switched around. My boss? Really?
What about Sam?! My dream guy?!?
It’s funny because I remember my best friend telling me a couple of years ago that despite what I may’ve believed I wanted in a boyfriend, she thought that a hippie guy wouldn’t actually be right for me. Anddd.. she was right.
Sam and I had some great adventures. We connected so quickly and I admired so many things about him as a person. Not only that, I loved him for what he did for me – he freed me from my stifling life and brought happiness into my world again. He inspired me. Being with him made me love myself in more ways than I had before. In fact, he treated me better than any boyfriend I’ve ever had.
But sometimes, all of that doesn’t matter. Sometimes, even if it’s hard to swallow, you begin to realize that sadly you just aren’t right for someone. At least not in a romantic sense.
And as tacky as the cliche may sound – the truth in it rings so clear; It’s not you, it’s me.
That’s something I’ve really started believing in – that breakups, as bad as they are – are often the only truly fair decision. And they shouldn’t have such a negative stigma around them. I’d argue that a-lot of us are unhealthily attached to certain ideals in modern relationships. It’s all about possession and our own wounded egos when things get sticky. And that’s proven with how we react to breakups. It seems like they’re always so filled with stories of betrayals and evil people, right? We are so stuck to the idea that “this person fucked me over!!!” “How could they do this to me?!” that we don’t stop to consider the fact that maybe we both already knew we aren’t right for each other. That this is the best decision for the well being of both partners. And maybe, we were holding onto something that just wasn’t there, as badly as we wanted it to be. Love and compatibility are not always the same thing.
Have you ever thought about the idea that if you’re in a relationship with someone who you know is not right for you, you might miss out on the one who is? And so will your current partner? Why keep them from true happiness & love when you know you just aren’t cutting it for them? In a perfect world, all breakups would be simple and rational. We would accept that paths diverge from each other and that’s part of life. But heartbreak isn’t easy. It’s not simple or rational. We all know that.
So after a whirlwind month and a half, Sam and I parted ways. It wasn’t that straightforward, but that’s what happened. He was on to bigger & better things, and I was on to…. different.
One thing he said stuck with me – that I had changed, like a chameleon. I was ‘changing’ to fit my new environment. But what he and most people don’t understand, is that just because someone isn’t who you thought they were, doesn’t mean they aren’t being themselves.
Things had switched up real quick for me. I left Arizona in August as a broke bitch, expecting to work on a hippie farm in Humboldt for a couple of weeks, singing kumbaya with my brothers and sisters of the earth, and maybe ending up saving a couple grand. And I was totally ready for that. Instead, I had ended up in the Pines with some random guys from Texas, driving a big ass truck, getting paid fat $$, and living a life that didn’t exactly fit my M.O. of free spirit little bird
I have to admit… damn it felt good to be a gangster. And this was only the beginning.